Where Do We Go From Here
by CynaraStuart
Summary: Evaine Cousland has taken up the roll of Tyrna and Head of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden. But what does she do, when Alistair re-appears after deserting her on the eve of battle? What happens when they need to fight for Fereldens Survival once again?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Bioware is awesome and it owns Dragon Age, not me sadly.

Authors note: I'm still working on Heart of the Hero, but my favorite story is the one as the human Noble. Killing Howe was just so much more satisfying. Alistair walked out on my party, and that made me so sad. I loved him. So here is my happy ending

Chapter 1: Where do we go from here?

"_I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa_

The night air was chill, crisp. It felt wonderful on her heated skin. Ever since she had returned to Castle Highever she had been having terrible dreams again. Only this time they were different. It was of her family. The last time she had seen her brother and his family. Oren and his youthful laugh filling the halls if the castle. Her mother cradling her dying father's body, the last thing that they had said was that they loved her. Why had things gone the way they had. Why did there have to be so much death?

She rubbed her face hard with her hands, trying to erase the pictures flying through her head. It wasn't working. Evaine, at twenty years of age, was the leader of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden. She was also Lady Cousland, being the last of her line.

She looked up at the night sky, rubbing her face again. Why couldn't the stars have answers? She didn't realize how cold it was until she was shaking. It wasn't enough to make her go v=back to sleep and those horrible visions. She felt pressure on her shoulders where someone had laid a cloak on them.

"Soren, don't sneak up on an un-armed woman like that. I could have hurt you." She smiled at her captain. He was one of the remaining guards to castle Highever, when she had returned he had begged a place with the Grey Wardens. She was happy to accept. They needed all the able bodied soldiers they could muster. The one good thing that Loghain had done was boost Grey Warden ratings. It seemed that everyone wanted to be a Grey Warden. A little ironic, seeing as though he was responsible for the death of almost all of the Ferelden Wardens.

"It's a clear night, you can see just about every star out this night."

"Yes, that is what brought me out on my night time stroll through the Castle. Speaking of, what are you doing out here?"

"Night guard duty, the boy that was supposed to have it is ill, someone had to take it, and else we would have no one to keep watch." He smiled at her. Three years together had formed a close friendship between her and Soren. It helped that they knew each other previously, though very little.

"Well it's a good that that it's you, I would hate for one of the new recruits to see me in anything other than my leather armor," She smiled, "What would they think, maybe that I was a real lady." She barked a small laugh.

"We wouldn't want that now my lady, would we?" They laughed together for a few minutes. She turned to face the outside, both of her hands resting on the outside wall. Looking down she noticed something approach the castle.

"Soren, are we expecting anyone?"

"No my lady, why do you ask?" He turns in the direction that she is facing.

"Because someone is approaching the castle, I can't tell who or what it is though."

"Well you should return to your apartment, I will check and see what it is. You wouldn't want to greet whoever it is in your night shift would you?" he smiled and headed down towards the gate. The two guards at the gate probably could have handled it, but at this time of night, it was a good thing that Soren went to check.

She shook her head, and started in the direction of her rooms. He was right of course; she wouldn't want anyone to see her in what she was wearing. She yawned, plus whatever it was could wait until morning. She climbed back into bed and closed her eyes. What seemed like a minute later was a loud knocking coming from her door. She looked out the window, the sun wasn't up yet, it must still be nightfall.

"My lady, we need some assistance please." Oh bother, what was it this time? She threw the covers back and groans. She shoved herself out of bed and hurriedly put on her worn leather armor. The knocking became more insistent. She lifts the latches with fingers and slowly tugs the heavy oak door open and found one of her guards in mid knock.

"Is there an attack? Where is Soren, what's going on?" She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and vigorously rubbed her face with her hands.

"He is trying to take care of the situation in the dungeon currently, my lady. He asked us to retrieve you and being you to him directly."

"Well then, let us get underway. Is there a reason that we are headed to the dungeon? Who is there?"

"He would not tell us, lady. He only said to bring you to him." They walked at a hurried pace down the many flights of stairs to the dungeons. Castle Highever has stood for over eight hundred years old. It has only been in her family for barely over three hundred years. The castle dungeon was huge, with many different cells and torture chambers. She used to hide down here as a child.

They took her to the most remote of all the cells. There Soren was standing, with a disgusted look on his face.

"Soren, what is the meaning of this. It is not our policy to keep prisoners?"

"Look for yourself, my lady."

She stepped in front of the cell and peered in side. This was very odd behavior for Soren. There, sitting in the dark with his head in his hand was Alistair. Or at least she thought that it was Alistiar. He was un shaven, and un kempt. He smelled of Ale, and looked like a sort of wounded animal. But his eyes were what hurt her the most; They looked ghostly, like nothing was left in them.

Her heart stopped. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. How long has it been since she had seen Alistair? Two, three years, he had left camp the eve before the battle with the arch-demon. Stomping like a spoiled child that had not gotten his way. She had half expected him to return before morning, after everything that they had been through together couldn't believe he would leave just like that. Not after everything that he had said to her. But he did not return he left her to face the most difficult thing she could imagine alone, without the one person she thought she could count on the most.

His head lifted from his hands, and recognition returned to his eyes. He jerked up from the stool he was sitting on and rushed to the door. "Evaine…." When he reached the door he was thrown back by Soren. He had reached through the bars and punched him, hard, in the chest.

"YOU, do not get to address her as such. She is Lady Cousland, or My Lady. You do not deserve to acknowledge her as anything else deserter!" Soren almost spit the words out.

Evaine was speechless. She could face down a horde and an Arch-Demon, but Alistair? That was something completely different. What was the protocol for this? He was a Deserter, protocol was death. She couldn't bare to kill him though. Even after everything that had happened.

"My lady, what is to be done with him? Are we to execute him like the traitor that he is?" Soren almost sounded gleeful at the prospect.

She had to think. She couldn't stand looking at him in that prison. He looked so helpless.

"I accept any punishment that Lady Cousland sees fit. I understand the law." Is this what he wanted? Is this why he returned? TO be put out of his misery? Anger flashed up again, the anger and pain of being left. The pain of his desertion.

"I will not be your executioner Alistair! Take him to one of the rooms upstairs and put two guards on the door. I can't think clearly right now."

"But, Evie…"Alistair flinched at Sorens use of my nickname," He is a deserter, a traitor. The law is clear." He said low to her off to the side. But it was not low enough for the two other to hear.

"Soren, I am Tyrna here. It is I that make the rules. I am also the head of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden. Just do what I ask." She stormed out of there with such force; the guards were expecting lighting and fire.

She walk straight back to her room, ignoring all else. Once inside she barred the door and leaned back against it. Her fists wound tight. Why did he have to come back? She started to pace her room, all the while becoming increasingly angry. She stopped and put her hands down on her desk and leaned against it. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus. Finally she gave up and with a frustrated scream she threw everything off her desk with one sweep of her hands. Looking around in dismay she crumbled to the floor and began to let the flood take hold of her. Curling into the fetal position, she let out three years of repressed tears and sadness.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Bioware owns everything in Dragon Age.

Authors note: Thanks to all of you who have read this. It's one of my first attempts at a Fan fiction. Any thoughts that you might have about it would be appreciated. This is still the beginning where we set our stage, so bare with me. I'm sorry for taking so darn long, I've had finals the last two weeks. I'll try not to let it happen again next chapter will be much longer, and it is where the story truly starts.

Chapter 2: How do you fight a ghost?

After a little while the tears subsided, but she did not move from her spot on the floor. That is where Soren found her; she looked small and almost childlike, sitting in a corner with her head on her knees and arms wrapped around them. He gave an exasperated sigh, and walked over and sat down beside her.

"The woman that killed the arch-demon and sent the darkspawn back to their little corner of the world gets reduced to tears by a mere man? I you want I'll throw him off the tower, it will look like he jumped…" He had a hopeful sound in his voice that made Evaine smile.

"I've always been an idiot where he is concerned. I've never been able to think clearly around him. IT's even worse now, I feel like a break inside when he looks at me. I'm forced to remember that I wasn't enough to keep him around." She rubbed her face in her knees and looked a Soren, her eyes still glistening from unshed tears.

"So then, what is the plan? What are we to do with him? Keep him locked in that room indefinitely?"

She sighed again, "No, I suppose we cannot. But we cannot kill him either. I will not do it Soren, I'm sorry. I guess I will talk to him and see what it is that he was expecting, and we can go from t here." She started to get up when Soren grabbed her arm.

"Are you sure that you are able to do this, alone I mean? His eyes geld a worry that she could not place. Maybe it was because he felt the need to take the role of father and brother since they had passed. She smile softly at him and gently reached to touch his hand, "I will be fine, there is nothing more he can do to hurt me. I need to get this done with."

He let go and watched her walk out of the room with a confidence that he knew she didn't feel. He wished that Tyrn Cousland was here; at least he would've let Soren throw Alistar out of the window for what he had done to Evaine. He shook his head and got up to head back to his chamber to sleep, he had gotten none the previous night.

Evaine walked up to the heavy oak door and stopped. The two men stationed at each side of the door looked at her expectantly. She took a deep breath in and nodded to them to open the door. It slowly creaked open to show Alistar pacing throughout the room. He stopped when he heard the door shut and without even turning around, he knew it was her. The air around her always seemed electric when around her. His body would involuntarily react to hers without any prompt from him.

"I was wondering when you would come…" The statement was open-ended, as if waiting for her to say something, "Are you going to say anything?"

"I'm still gathering my thoughts, you have known that this would happen and have been able to plan thusly. To my knowledge the last time I would ever see you was that night in camp, before the attack when I was crying and yelling for you to return. Which you did not."

"I know what you have to do Evie," She flinched at the use of such an intimate name for her, "The Wardens accept no cowardice." You looked to the floor, not able to meet her eyes. "I know what I did was cowardice, and selfish, and immature. I know that now. It's just that, at the time, my reasons seemed so sound. I was so full of rage and honor about Duncan's death, I could see through all of it. I'm truly sorry."

She couldn't handle it anymore, the tears threatened to come again. She turned around trying to by herself some time, "Oh, damn your honor Alistar! Where was your precious honor when there were just the three of us to face that thing, or after? Where was it when I was kneeling in the dirt screaming at you back as you walked away from me, screaming for you to come back? I begged you not to leave!" It was too much, the tears finally broke free. He walked towards her and put his arms around her. There was something so familiar about them and the feel of them around her. She couldn't help herself; she leaned back in to him. How many nights had she dreamt of his touch since he had left?

She finally came to her senses and roughly pushed herself from his embrace. "That is no longer welcome! You lost the privilege of that when you walked out." They were both silent once again. She finally broke the silence with a heavy sigh. She looked right at him for a moment before going on, "You will stay here. You are still a Grey Warden and we will not turn our backs on our own, even if she turned his back on us. It will not be easy to win them men's trust, or mine for that matter." She had a smirk on her face once again.

"I will do my best not to let you down a second time." He bowed to her and then sat in one of the chairs to look at her. She seemed to be thinking something.

"Where did you go anyways? No one had heard from you since you left."

"I was with the legion of the dead. I felt like I had nothing left to live for, so why not join men that don't exist? Do you mind if we talk about this another time? I have much I need to discuss with you, but it has been well over two years since I have slept in an actual bed, do you mind waiting until tonight?"

She thought a moment, "No, tonight will be fine. Rest easy Alistar, tonight you are safe." She walked out and shut the door behind her. The Legion of The Dead, What was he thinking? He's lucky he s not dead or worse. She shook her head, which was so Alistar. She walked the long hall way back to her apartments.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The Architect

Authors Note: I apologize for the rough draft of chapter two that was posted. I was super hurried and did not have a chance to edit it. I'll try not to let it happen again. Thanks again for everyone who supports this story. Feed back is always appreciated.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Dragon Age, I just take creative license.

Alistair launched up out of bed with his dagger drawn, battle ready. His eyes cleared and he looked around, recognition dawning on his face. He glanced at the window and saw the sunshine coming through and spreading across the floor. His face took on a softer look as he walked towards the light. Reaching out his hand, he watched as the sun splayed across it. His body went rigid, and his back stiffened. He slowly began to turn around, and there sitting in an arm chair holding a cup of tea was Evaine.

"You've become harder to sneak up on. The moment I came in, you shot up like a jumping bean. The guards said they hear you thrashing about. Are you having nightmares again?" She looked thoughtfully at him as she stirred her tea. A shadow of worry flashed across her delicate features before her face became a mask once again.

"You teach yourself to become alert when you live and fight for your life in the deep roads every day. And you get sleep whenever you can. I cannot remember the last time I had a complete and restful night sleep." He gave her an ironic smile.

"So are we going to talk about what you were doing in the deep roads yet, or would you prefer to wait. I have all day." She looked at her tea with an amused smile, as if she had some secret he was not aware of.

"There was nothing else for me to do. I had left everything behind," He continues to stare at the floor, "After a full week of being completely soddding drunk, I decided that I couldn't live the rest of my miserable life like that. I had no-where to go and nobody to see. I found my way down to the deep roads hoping to die. I was surrounded by darkspawn ready and willing, when the Legion had come out of no-where. They had asked why I was in the deep roads. At that point I no longer cared, so I told them the truth. They offered me a way to get my honor back, the same way they did. Seeing that I really had no other options I joined there band of little merry men." He gave her a bitter smile.

"So what happened? You had said that there was a reason you came back. Was the legion no longer to your liking?

"No, at least with them I felt like I was able to do something. No, everyday there were fewer and fewer of us. More of the med were taking back to the stone. Finally, about a few days ago the five of us that were left were ambushed by a swarm of darkspawn. They killed two of us, the other three they took alive," He physically shuttered and his face turned green, "They took us deep into their city. They were looking for a grey warden."

Her trance was broken and she looked at him with shock all over her face. "How do you know they were looking for one of us?"

He looked at her with his head still down, "Because one of them told me." He waited for it to sink in and watched as all the emotions played across her face.

"What do you mean, one of them told you?" Her lips pursed and her voiced cracked with terror. The memory of the Blight and everything that happened because of it was still fresh in her mind.

"That is the reason I came back. I stayed alive to make sure that you knew what had happened. I am the only one left out of the three of us taken. I don't know how I made it out alive, but somehow I got to the surface. They have one of them that speaks as clearly as you or I. He looks and smells just like any other darkspawn, but speaks as though he was human. They call him the architect."

"I don't understand Alistair, what is it you are trying to tell me?"

"This thing, the architect, he has been trying to find a Grey Warden. As a Grey Warden, some of us have the knowledge of where the old gods are located, and he in turn has been trying to find one of us that his this information. He proposes a truce between the Grey Wardens and the darkspawn; he claims he would like to unite us."

"Ok… So what I don't understand is how you got out, and could you find your way back."

"I don't know how I got out. I was in this dark room with the architect, I remember his talking to me about this, and then he mentioned trying to find you. I got angry and attacked him, while he was on the ground I made my break for the door. I wandered around the deep roads for two days until I finally found my way out."

"Why would this man want me?"

"You are Fereldens savior. Anora might be the queen, but it is you that the people look to. With your approval everyone would go into the Frost Back Mountains to die. I don't think you realize how much power you wield here."

She looked thoughtful for a moment, "ok, well, get dressed and meet me in my apartments in twenty minutes, we need to speak with Soren and decide what we are going to do." She nodded and left the room.

He was left alone again. He marveled at the light coming in his room once again. It had been so long since he had seen the sun. He forgot the warmth of it, like the warmth of Evaine's skin. He could still remember what it was like to touch her. Last night when she was in his arms had felt marvelous to him. He couldn't remember the last time that he had felt so safe. But sadly he had destroyed any feelings that she had for him when he deserted her the night before the final battle. He clenched his fist in anger and bunched the sun. Not knowing what else to do, he got dressed and headed out the door to find Evaine's apartments. He was escorted down the hall and to the right. They stopped in front of the giant oak door that he assumed led to her room. They knocked and then left him standing there alone, waiting to be invited in. The door was pushed open, and the man who had been in the dungeon was standing there in full armor, with a look that said he was ready for battle.

"Well, looks like we have the last member of the party, I'm surprised you're still here." He smirked and stepped aside to allow Alistair admittance into the room.

"Of course I am still here. I am the one with the information that you need. I will not leave until the job has been finished, or Eviane send me from this place. I am a Grey Warden, this is where I belong." And he gave Soren a look that dared him to fight. Alistair was in such a foul mood, he would welcome a confrontation with this little pup of a man, Evaine's new protector. Little did he know, the woman needed no protection. She was a deadly adversary.

"That has yet to be determined. She has not yet said if she will allow you to keep that title." Soren just looked as if he was taunting Alistiar, he wanted to fight just as bad as the other man.

Evaine, seeing that this was going nowhere fast, and could easily escalate decided to enter the conversation. "Alistair is yet a Grey Warden Soren, Duncan gave him that title, and I will not take it away. No matter his past actions, he is still a brother. He deserves you respect, it is because of him that we have any warning at all, and know anything about this situation. No, if you two are done playing who is the better man, I say we get down to business so we can get under to Denerim."

Both men looked at her as though she just sprouted another head. Alistair was open mouthed, he could not believe that she had stood up for him. Why would she do such a thing? Soren couldn't believe it either. Had her past with the man clouded her judgment.

"Ok, so what is the plan? Evaine brought me up to speed on the Architect, but what are we going to do about it?"

"I think that we should call for help from Orlais. But, to do that, we need to get the queens approval before we bring them into Ferelden. I say the first step is to head to Denerim and ask if we can get reinforcements. We need to stop this before it takes a bad turn. This can potentially turn into another blight is they find one of the ancients."

"When would you like to leave, and who are we going to take with us. Lady Cousland will need a guard escort to the palace."

"Soren, I do not an escort, you and Alistair will be enough," She rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated snort. Which was a very unbecoming sound from lady Cousland.

"Your guard dog is right, Anora values tradition. You are a senior noble in Ferelden. The only Tyrn left actually, she will respond better if you appear to her as such, instead of a battle worn grey warden." Soren looked like he had swallowed something bad. He was not expecting him to agree with him on this point.

"Very well, I will do it. But, we ride with the bare minimum. I was to ride fast. WE can stop at Arl Eamons estate and request an audience with the queen before we go before her in court. She will appreciate that I follow the rules, and unfortunately we need her assistance to let the Orlesians back into Ferelden."

"Agreed. I will go get the men prepared to leave within the hour, if that is ok with you Evie."

"Yes, that will be fine. We will meet in the courtyard in one hour, hopefully your skills on a horse have improved Alistair," She gave him a rueful smile, "Alistair, stay a moment, I would like to have a word with you before we leave." He was headed to the door and stopped. He turned around and bowed, before standing at attention waited for Soren to leave. Soren gave her a questioning look before glaring at Alistair on his way out the door.

"Eamon will not be in residence, you do not need to fear that confrontation. He is actually on a diplomatic mission in Orlais. But that is not what I wanted to discuss. Before I left Denerim, I asked Anora to save your life. That was the boon I asked the queen for when we won the battle. I need you to come with us. I know you wanted to argue this when I mention us going. You will need to explain the situation to her. IT is your story and not mine to tell. But I need to know that you are with us Alistair. IF you give me your oath, I will trust your word and never look back. You will be a welcomed member of the order again and a Lieutenant of the forces. But cross me again, and I will personally have your head, and in the Orlesian fashion, put it on a pike in front of the castle."

He had no doubt that she would cut off his head and show it to the world. She would have to be strong to earn the respect of so many men. "You have my oath of loyalty, my lady. I will not let you down."

"Then from here on out, you have been restored. I will let it be known before we leave today. And Alistiar, I head this brought out of the storage chests for you." She went to a chest and opened it. She had something in her hands as she walked towards him. It was Duncan's shield. She was handing it to him. Like is she was handing him back his honor. He reached out to touch it, but snapped his hand away before he reached it.

"I appreciate you keeping it for all this time, but I cannot have it back. I lost my right to wear that a long time ago, and I don't believe I am worthy any longer to carry his name. I am no longer that man. I need to earn my way back there." He turned away from her so she could not see the tears that had formed in his eyes. But he was too slow, she had seen them form, and for a moment she became soft. She grabbed his shoulder and turned him around to face her.

"The fact that you came back, that you are here trying to make a difference would mean more to him than you know. Fine, prove yourself worthy of this shield, but know that this is a clean slate. Do not live in the past Alistair. Fight for the future!" He nodded silently and turned around. He stopped a moment at the door before continue out to his room to get ready to leave.

He left her with a feeling of bewilderment. What had happened to him, what had turned him into this, this shell of a man? But she new. He deeply regretted his actions three years ago. Whatever that had happened in the deep roads, had matured him into the man she always knew he would be. It was too bad that it had to be this way. She used to picture their life together, and when she did it was always them growing and maturing together. But his actions had made that impossible. Why was she dwelling on the past again? She shook her head trying to rid herself of those thoughts. What is done is done, and there is no way of un-doing it. They had to concentrate on the task at hand, the architect.

She had one of her attendants pack her things and met the men in the courtyard. They would be traveling with six guards. When she opened her mouth to protest, Soren threw up his hands to stop her, "I will not be argued with." She shut her mouth and climbed atop her mount. She couldn't help notice that Alistair seemed quite at ease on his horse. They used to make jokes about how they knew he was Maric's son was because he lacked the ability to stay on a horse. It was as if it wasn't even Alistiar there with them. No joke, no smart remarks, who was this man?

There was no talking on the ride to Denerim, except for Soren's few orders to the other men. It took the entire day for them to reach the city. By the time they reach the estate, the sun had been set for a few hours. Even though the hour was late, Evaine had penned a note to the palace, informing her highness that they had arrived and wished an audience with her. It took a day for them to retrieve their response. Anora would see the three of them at court, the fallowing afternoon. Evaine decided that the best way to approach her was not as a grey warden. Anora was still not thrilled about her father leaving Ferelden and blamed them for his departure. Evaine would go to court as the Tyrna of Highever, it was the best way to receive the response that they needed.

The fallowing day Evaine had entered the main room to meet Soren and Alistiar in a high noble dress deep red and gold. Both men had looked at her as if they had never seen her before in their life. This was completely foreign to them. Soren had seen her in a dress on very rare occasions when her mother's nagging had won out in the end. And Alistair had never seen her in a dress in the year that they were together.

"Not one word from either of you, or I promise you I will throw you out of the highest window I can find! It is customary for a noble to appear as I do in front of the queen." Neither of them said anything, they knew she would keep her word.

When they arrived at the Palace they were ushered into a small study where the queen was waiting for them. The eyebrow perked up in great interest when she spotted Evaine, but was replaced by a glare when she saw Alistair. "You dare bring this traitor into my presence, you are asking too much of our friendship warden."

"Your highness forgets of the bargain we made three years ago. Your highness also forgets that it was my blade that saved your country, and that I am not only a warden, but Tyrna oh Highever, and it is that title that I use before you today." Anora had the good grace to flush when she was reminded of what Evaine had done.

"You desired a private audience, what is it that you need?" She was extremely interested in this. For three years Anora had been trying to get Evaine to join the court, hoping that with her approval that Ferelden would unite easier.

Evaine went through the whole situation again, letting Alistiar explain his part, albeit in a less involved fashion then previously stated.

"So you need my approval for more Grey Wardens from Orlais to come and help?" She sat quietly for a moment, obviously deciding what she could get out of this situation.

"All right, I agree to your request, but I have a request of my own. I do not want to be left out of the talks, this is my country and I deserve to know what is happening to or with it. If you want a formal summons from me, you will need to remain here until they arrive, otherwise they will be unprotected Orlesians in Ferelden."

Evaine had turned several different shades of red and purple, while Anora looked quite pleased. In the three years that Evaine had taken over the Wardens in Ferelden and became the leader of Highever, no one had told her what to do. Finally it looked as though she was able to breathe again, and her coloring had returned. "We agree. We will however stay at the Arl of Redcliff's estate."

"That is fine, as long as Lady Cousland and her guests join the court while they are in the city. We need to present a united front." So this is what she was actually after.

"Agreed." Was all that came out of Evaines clenched teeth. She hated being used in this fashion, but what other choice did she have? She needed the permission of her sovereign.

"Excellent!" Anora clapped her hands together in a joyful fashion. "Then I will see you three tonight at our fete. Oh, and Alistair, you might want to get some appropriate clothing." They were dismissed until that evening.

Evaine seethed the entire way back to the estate, and then for about two hours after. "I cannot believe the nerve of that woman! Doesn't she realize that it was I that put her there? I am the one that saved her soddding country, and this is the thanks I get? She gets to use us to prove to the people that she belongs on that throne? Ahhh!" She threw her hands up and began to pace the length of the common room. Soren was sitting in a chair by the fire, quite amused with her ranting, while Alistair sat there quietly and stared at her. She stopped a moment and looked at the two men, "She was right, if you two are going to court we need to find you some clothing. Unfortunately we need Anora's assistance to save her soddding country again, so we need to play by her rules. With any luck the Orlesian Wardens will be here within a few days." They found suitable clothing for them in the Arl's storage trunks and headed back to the palace.

Half way through the evening Evaine had felt like she was introduced to half of Ferelden. Anora couldn't hide her glee at having the war hero by her side. She had finally been able to sneak away and found Soren in an alcove drinking ale. "You wouldn't be hiding by any chance, would you Evie?" She hated that knowing smile that Soren had.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I can no longer tolerate being paraded around to all of the nobles like her little lap dog. Everywhere I go I am surrounded by people. Uhg."

Soren pointed his glass to the opposite side of the room where Alistair was flocked by young women of every station trying to get his attention. "It seems you are not the only one with that problem. A waiter walked by with drinks in his hands and Evaine grabbed one hoping it was strong. She drank it down in one gulp. Why was she having a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach? She convinced herself it was irritation at Anora. Throughout the next hour, Soren watched as she got continuously more inebriated. He had never seen her even drink ale.

After a while she became dizzy and decided fresh air would do her some good, she snuck out to the balcony and looked out at the city. It looked so beautiful at night, one would hardly know it from the disgusting place it was in the day. Someone had come to stand next to her. IT was a familiar sent that made her senses reach out to it.

"I saw you stumble out here alone, I wanted to make sure you were doing ok." Alistair had worry written all over his face. "I can't remember you ever drinking."

"I've never had a reason, Anora has been able to change that."

"Yes she has always had that way about her. I couldn't stand her as a child. She always seemed to treat others like they were nothing, even Cailen. I never did see what he saw in her." He seemed to be smiling at some private joke. That made her heart break all the more. She loved his smile, it was always the one thing she looked forward to at the return to camp.

"I noticed you seemed to have quite the gathering in there. It must be nice to return to that instead of the scorn you thought you would encounter." Her face was a frown as she went on, "I'm sure you could have your pick of them."

"Why are you doing this?" He was looking at her with extreme sadness in his eyes. She could never know the depth of his feelings for her.

"Doing what? I was just commenting on the situation. "Alistair has returned, five hundred silver to whoever has him first!" I bet that is what they are all saying." She started to turn and walk away when he grabbed her by the fore-arm.

"What is it that you want from me?"

"Nothing! I want nothing from you. Go and take your pick from the beautiful women throwing themselves at you! I'm sure they will mean more to you than I ever did!" She almost spat the words out in her fury and hurt.

Alistair's eyes flared in anger, "How can you say that? You will never understand how much you mean to me! About how the thought of losing you drives me to madness! The feel of your skin on mine is like a fire that spreads to my entire body. Being around you and not being able to touch you, or hold you are the most pain that I have had to endure, but being without you is worse. I will NEVER love anyone the way I love you. EVER, even if I live past my thirty years and for eternity." His declaration took her off guard. She stared at him like if she was seeing something foreign. She couldn't move, the intensity of his eyes and her grip was keeping her stationary. She looked about to say something when a primal sort of noise came from his throat and his lips were on hers with a passion that she had never felt before. His arms pulled her into him and wrapped around her. She had forgotten how good this felt. He hands reached up to his face, tracing the outline of it. She sighed with contentment, but that noise seemed to break the spell. He grudgingly pulled away from her and turned his back to her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. You have made things perfectly clear as to what we will never be. I took advantage of your weakened state of mind. It will not happen again."

She looked like she was about to say something, when she collapsed. Alistair caught her at the last second before she hit the floor. In a panic he carried her into the ballroom yelling for help. Soren was at his side right away, a look of terror on his face.

"What happened to her?

"I don't know, we were out there getting air and she fell, out of no-where." Alistair's voice was panicked and he looked to be on the edge of hysteria.

"Call a healer! Quickly."

They rushed her to a room in the palace to lay her down. When the healer finally made it she was already coming around. "What happened? Where am I?" everyone seemed to breath a consecutive breath of relief.

"We should take her back to Arl Eamons, do you think that you could send over a healer? I just want to be sure there is nothing wrong." Anora saw the pain in Alistair's eyes, and something in her softened.

"Yes, I will send out best. Send me word tomorrow?"

"Of course, Soren I have her, you wouldn't mind going ahead to make sure things are ready there?"

He nodded his head in the affirmative and dashed off to tell the house what had happened. Alistair picked up the now awake Evaine and carried her back to her room at the Arl's estate and with Soren stayed by her side until the healer arrived.

"Well my boy, I'm happy to see you finally got your head screwed on straight enough to come back." The healer was smiling at him with a smile that said, I told you so. He had never been so happy to see a mage in all his life.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Fighting

Authors Note: Thank you to the people that give me encouragement, it really helps the writer's block. I'm trying to keep chapters coming out on a regular basis, try and work with me. Two stories at once are proving to be a little difficult .

"_Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love is by far, the truest type of love." – Unknown_

"You are the healer Anora sent from the palace? What are you doing here? What happened after the final battle, I would've thought you would go back to the tower?" There were so many questions going through his head, he really didn't know where to start. They seemed to come out in a jumbled mess.

She smiled warmly at him, "How about first we take a look at the young lady over here, then I promise we will talk. There are a few things that I have been meaning to tell you as well." Alistair had the good grace to flush at her words.

Wynne went to examine Evaine and after a few minutes she smiled and shook her head in mock disappointment. "She just had too much to drink. I don't know what would ever make her do such a thing; she has always been so responsible. I'll give her something that will help how she feels in the morning, but there is nothing to worry about. The best we can do now, is let her sleep." She quietly ushered Alistair out of the room and in to the hall where they could continue their discussion without bothering Evaine.

"To answer your questions, after the battle I decided to stay in the city as the palace healer. There was really nothing left for me at the tower, and I wanted to feel like I was doing something good with what time remained. I begged Evaine to stay near town, but duty took her to Highever. She wanted me to come with her, But I did not want to become a bother and in the way as she rebuilt her life. So I stayed here. I have heard stories, she commands great men, and each of them loves her, they would all die for her. She has become a great leader." She paused for a moment and looked at Alistair with those soul piercing eyes, "What about you young man, where have you been? It had been assumed that you had died when there was no word of you after the first year."

Alistair decided to tell her everything that had happened to him, there was no use in leaving things out, she had a way of getting your deepest, darkest secrets out anyway.

"So now you are back, playing the gallant to her once again. Interesting." She paused again seeming to contemplate what he had said. "Young man, I hope your intentions are to stay now that you are here. I do not think that she would be able to survive a second time. If it is not your intent, then please, Alistair, leave her in peace." Her eyes were pleading with him.

He was quiet for a moment, not really knowing how to answer her. "I have no intention of leaving her again. It was too painful being without her. It's better to suffer in hell with her, than to live in peace without her. Without her, I know no peace. Until she sends me from her side, I will remain."

He had new resolve in his eyes. He could not leave her. It would be like going underground again and never seeing the sun. Now that he had it back, there was no way he could live without it.

"All right, so tell me sir, what are we doing about this new threat?"

Alistair's eye brows perked up in a questioning fashion, "We?"

"Do you honestly think that I am going to sit her in the palace knitting booties while you are all off having an adventure? Come now, you don't know me at all. Plus, you will need a healer, and there is no one in Ferelden better than me!" He was glad to see that she still had life in her. She was ready to seek out her next adventure.

"Well, currently, we are waiting on some more Grey Wardens from Orlais. I am not sure when they will arrive; the missive was sent out today." They discussed strategy and battle plans for the better part of the night, they almost didn't realize when Evaine appeared in the doorway. The click of the lock jarred them from their conversation, and there was Evaine in the door way. She looked quite confused at seeing Wynne, almost as if she didn't believe her own eye sight.

"Wynne? Is that really you? What happened, my head feels like it on fire." She took a step in her direction but her legs crumbled beneath her. Alistair reached out to catch her, but  
Soren was there, rounding the corner and got to her first. He glared at Alistair.

"You were at one of the parties at the palace last night, you were drinking too much. Do you really not remember anything from last night?" Alistair looked confused.

"No, the last thing I remember was being introduced to every premier noble, and talking to Soren." She rubbed her head. Soren carried her back to her bed with Wynne and Alistair following in his wake. Alistair has a slightly perturbed and hurt look in his eyes, but washed it away and replaced it with a stone mask once again. Evaine was so confused.

"Here, drink some of this, it won't help you remember, but it will help your head." She smiled warmly at the younger girl. It was so nice to see her again. If possible, she looked even more beautiful than three years ago, when she saw her last.

After recovering for most of the day Anora came to her with news of Orlais. "They will not send anyone until we have confirmed Alistair's finding. We are on our own for right now."

Evaine had a feeling that this would be their reaction. Alistair was a deserter; they wouldn't listen to anything that he said. They would be on their own, which means they would have to assemble their own team, and she knew exactly who she would want with her.

"Ok, so then I will gather a party and go into the deep roads for conformation. They will not be able to deny my findings!"

"Should you really be joining them? What if this is what that thing wants?"

"Anora, this is the only way to get the help that we need. I will go and lead them and return with proof! We will save Ferelden again. You have my word! I can waste no more time, I will leave this evening for the chantry in search of Leliana."

Evaine shot out of bed and proceeded to throw on her armor and boots. She was barely able to say her good byes.

IT felt like old times, on the road looking for allies who would join them in the fight against the Blight. Alistair on her right and Wynne on her left, headed straight for the chantry.

They were welcomed by a new recruit who looked up anxiously, "May we help you?"

It had been a while since Evaine had been called anything but My Lady. It felt good to be unknown for once. "We are looking for a woman that goes by the name of Leliana. May you know where to find her?"

The girl's eyes opened wide, "Yes! Oh my, you must be the Grey Lady! Tyrna Cousland! Leliana said to expect you. Fallow me, I know where she is." They fallowed her through the courtyard to a meadow full of white daisies. There Leliana was sitting, eyes closed with a smile on her face.

"I knew you would come." Was all she said.

"The Maker, Leliana? Did he tell you I was coming?" A mile spread across Evian's lips. She missed her friend greatly, she had forgotten how much until this moment.

"Of course! The maker watches you most of all. Of course you know that I am coming. Allow me to say my good bye and I will meet you in the entrance hall." No more words were needed to be said, but when their eyes met, there was a moment of recognition.

It only took Leliana a few moments to explain and change out of her chantry robes, and back into her leather armor that she thought would never be brought out of storage again. They wasted no time in heading out to their next destination. The Frost Back Mountains, Hopefully there they would find the next party member.

Since it was already late in the day when they set off again they decided to take camp in the Bricilian Forest. Leliana took this chance to re-acquaint herself with her long lost friend.

"So he has come stumbling back into your life, has he? I knew he wasn't going to be able to stay away for too long. The pull between you two is like magnets. It was beautiful to see."

"It isn't that way anymore and hasn't been in many years. You know what happened when he left; he no longer has any rights here. He is here for his Intel and that is where it ends. I am his commanding officer. I know better this time." There was something there in her eyes that Leliana couldn't quite catch, but she knew she wasn't being told everything. She let it go for the moment.

"You've missed this, I can tell. The open road is where you belong, not a castle governing people or giving commands."

"I wouldn't have been, had my brother survived, or even his son. But as it is, I am the only one. IT does not bother me. I know my place. These are my people and I owe them." She went still for a moment, as if trying to hear something in the distance.

It took but a few moments and both Soren and Alistair were at her side. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"SHHHHH…" They were all listening. There seemed to be a rustling in the far off distance. They put the fire out and went to investigate.

As they got closer to the sound they could see the soft glow of a camp fire, and hear the faint murmuring of conversation. Evaine decided to get a closer look. She hid behind bushes, it sounded like Elfish.

She saw something that made her eyes go very wide. She maneuvered herself into a tree to get a better look. There she saw the face of someone she thought never to see again. The word came from her lips of their own accord, Zeveran.

Someone in the camp looked around. She took the moment of surprised and jumped from her perch to the center of the camp. Taking everyone by surprise she was immediately surrounded weapons coming at her from all angles.

"Wait!" Yelled a voice from the back. "Put down your weapons, you do not know who it is you attack!" The crowd parted, and from the mass of elves, walking right up to her was Zeveran.

"How did you find us? We were just coming to find you. We got word that There was a lot of Darkspawn Action starting up again in Ferelden, I came to see if we may be of assistance."

She could not believe her luck. Here Evaine thought Zeveran would be the hardest to find since he does not stay in more than one place for too long and he was camping just a few miles from where they were. The rest of her group came from their hiding places to shake hands with their lost friend. Zeveran's eyes strayed to Alistair, "Could not stay away from the light for too long could you? I am glad you are among the land of the living once again." He shook his hand.

If anyone would understand the pain he felt, it would be Zeveran.

Evaine's voice broke the silence, "Let us camp the night and explain in the morning, we have a long day ahead of us." She walked back towards her camp and disappeared in the darkness.


End file.
